In the past, I’ve written about how good our decision-making is as we get older and how research shows we use our life experiences in this process.  

Having said that, we’re not infallible. And in the last couple of weeks, I’ve talked to two friends who made decisions that led to heartache.

A large study in America showed that when older people do make mistakes, they’re less likely to acknowledge them than when they were younger.

I can’t help wondering if this is because, as we age, we can be defensive about getting things wrong for fear of seeming less capable and on top of things than we used to be.   

However, we need to remember, we’ve made errors throughout life but probably didn’t feel so anxious about them when we were younger because we hadn’t got to the stage of worrying about cognitive impairment.

So, let’s try not to feel bad when we make mistakes, and face up to them. After all, if we don’t accept that we’ve made a poor choice, we can’t put things right, can we?

The two people I mentioned have now acknowledged they made errors, which is good, but that hasn’t stopped them feeling stupid that they made them.  

The first of these friends fell for one of those scams from a man she had met online.

I must tell you that she’s a highly intelligent woman which makes me realise that none of us should assume we could never get caught out in such a way.

When older adults are on their own – often lonely and hoping somehow to find someone with whom they could share companionship, and maybe more – their thinking may not always be spot on.

My friend was being romanced online and she was excited and happy about it because her love-interest was charming, plausible and seemed to have much in common with her.

So, when he mentioned he had a temporary shortage of funds, she was happy to help out. Sadly, the money disappeared and so did he.

A rather more common mistake has happened to a widower friend. After his wife died, he felt completely lost, so he decided to sell the house where they had lived for decades, and leave all his mates, and move to a village 200 miles away so he could be round the corner from his daughter and her family.

I know many people who have done this, and I imagine you do too.

This friend has a bad hip and doesn’t much like driving, which is turning into a big problem because there is so little to do in his village.

He has to drive several miles if he wants anything that isn’t available in the local corner shop, and the sort of hobbies he enjoyed in his previous location – singing in a choir, pub lunches with friends, going to the local football stadium, and enjoying visits to the cinema or theatre – are not available where he now lives.

He has been really miserable despite his family’s proximity.  Worse than that, he feels he’s a burden to his daughter because he knows she has her own life to lead, and he worries that he is being far too clingy.    

Fortunately, he is a sensible man and has now done a lot of thinking – thinking that he realises he should have done prior to his move.

He has also plucked up courage to speak to his family – and has decided to bite the bullet and move again.

There’s a bustling market town about seven miles from his village, and he is buying a house there.

Obviously, he’s taking quite a financial hit moving again so soon, but on balance he’s decided it’s better doing that, than continue to feel so sad and alone.

The town nearby doesn’t have a football team but all the other pastimes he enjoys are possible there, and he has already applied to join a U3A group, a choir and a book group.   

Fortunately, his family are supportive and they’re encouraging him to come over and see the grandchildren a couple of times a week.

They also suggest he stay the night anytime he doesn’t relish driving home.  

He knows he’s lucky to be able to afford to put his error right in this way and is aware that many folk couldn’t.

What happened to him though, happens to lots of us when we are grieving.

It’s hard to make the right decision about big things. I certainly made mistakes that I had to put right.

But what these friends’ stories tell us, is that when we’re alone and feeling somewhat lost, it’s natural to make errors, and so before we opt to do something like move house or give someone money, we should run the idea past several of the people who love us and can be guaranteed to offer good advice.

This could save a lot of upheaval, money and anxiety.