I have suffered some disquiet after being sent a list of mums’ most-fancied CBeebies television presenters. The top four are: 1. Dr Ranj Singh; 2. Ben Faulks; 3. Andy Day; 4. Justin Fletcher, writes Lynne Mortimer.

It wasn’t so much they are considered desirable by mums more that around 5,000 women responded to the poll with alacrity... maybe to get their secret passion off their chests, as it were. Parenting website www.familiesonline.co.uk received thousands of replies within a day of being asked to vote for their secret crush.

The top spot went to real-life paediatrician Dr Ranj Singh from CBeebies’ Get Well Soon who was closely followed by Ben Faulks, the Cornish actor best known for the popular kids show Mr Bloom. Third was CBeebies Andy Day, star of Andy’s Wild Adventures (not that wild, I have to say). And in fourth place is Justin Fletcher, aka Mr Tumble. It had never occurred to me they were actually men, to be honest although I can sort of see where these oh-goody-an-online-poll mums might be coming from with Dr Ranj (bedside manner and soulful eyes); Ben Faulks (Join me in the potting shed with gladioli, Mellors) and Wild Andy (derring-do in khaki shorts) but I’m struggling with Mr Tumble.

There may be safety in CBeebies. I mean, these are the sort of guys you could probably bring home and introduce to your husband. Once you mention a connection with CBeebies, I imagine it would dampen any sense of sexual danger. Surely someone like Mr Tumble with a red nose, wearing brightly-patterned trousers and waistcoat, with an outsize bow-tie cannot be a sex object? It seems, however, these chaps are the ones to watch... and I don’t mean watch on television. I thought the whole idea of kids’ TV was that you plonk your little darlings on the sofa in front of the 42” HD, give them a packet of Monster Munch each and vacuum the stairswhile they watch telly.

I have a worried sense there may be mums out there who sit themselves down in front of Virgin 711 (Freeview 74; Sky 614) open a packet of Wotsits and sit dreamily in front of CBeebies while their toddler and his older brother dismantle the vacuum cleaner, use a tray to surf the staircase and push the front door key through the letterbox.

When I was a young mum I do not recall feeling any tremor for the Playschool or Play Away presenters.. although now I start to wonder if “play away” was actually an invitation. The late, splendid children’s presenter Brian Cant, was personable but even when he gave me the option of choosing a shaped window, I didn’t really feel the love. Johnny Ball? A splendid man man but I wouldn’t necessarily have broken open a new packet of chocolate digestives for him. He looks like more of a custard cream man, anyhow.

Then, in another bombshell, I find parents spend thousands of pounds putting right damage at home caused by their children. In total, they’re costing an average of around £3,500 in repairs.

The most frequent expense is damage to walls, including stains, chips and scratches, followed by carpets stained due to accidents and spillages. And I’m wondering if there might be a connection here.

Well, yes, there was the time water dripped through the hall ceiling when my children had a stab at recreating Shakespeare’s The Tempest during bathtime. The fix required some inexpensive waterproof paint. This was not recently, they’re now in their 30s and no longer share a bath.

In my experience, the biggest damage was caused by adults, more specifically red wine-drinking adults. When the bottom of a beige (for other descriptions of neutral see Farrow and Ball colour chart) curtain draped itself into a glass of wine, the claret soaked up the material to the curtain rail.

So what could have happened in the intervening years since my kids were small to make the domestic repair costs of children so high?

May I refer you to the aforementioned mums lusting after CBeebies presenters and leaving the kids in charge of the house.